Helping Kids Build Self-Control at Home

At National Heritage Academies (NHA), we believe that academics and character go hand in hand. That’s why each month we focus on a Moral Focus™ virtue that helps our students grow not just as learners, but as people.

In December, we focus on Self-Control, a skill that helps kids pause, think, and make choices that line up with their goals. And let’s be honest, December is the perfect month to practice it. Between holiday excitement, disrupted routines, and plenty of sugary treats, self-control can feel a little harder not just for kids but adults too!

The good news? Self-control is something kids can learn and strengthen over time. And families play a huge role in helping that happen.

Here are a few simple, realistic ways to build self-control at home this season.

1. Practice the “Pause Button”
One of the best gifts we can give kids is the ability to pause before reacting. Try teaching them a simple script: “Stop. Breathe. Think. Choose.” You can even practice it in calm moments.

• When a sibling takes a toy
• When a game gets frustrating
• When they want to say something in the heat of the moment Kids get better at this the more they try it and it starts to become their natural response

2. Set Clear Expectations (and Stick to Them) 
Routines build self-control because they give kids a sense of what’s coming next. During December, normal routines can shift a bit, so it’s helpful to set clear expectations ahead of time:

• “We’re going to Grandma’s for dinner. Before we go, let’s talk about how we behave when we’re guests.”
• “We can watch one holiday movie tonight. After that, it’s bedtime.” Consistency builds trust and helps kids learn how to manage their own choices.

3. Celebrate the Wait
Self-control grows when kids practice waiting, even for small things. Try creating moments where waiting pays off:

• A “freeze game” before opening gifts
• Letting them stir the cookie dough after counting to 10
• A family challenge: who can wait the calmest while dinner finishes? Kids love turning challenges into games, and waiting becomes a skill instead of a struggle.

4. Model What you Want to See Kids learn most by watching us. When you’re frustrated and you take a deep breath or choose calm words they notice. You can even talk through your thinking: “Wow, I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a minute to breathe before I respond.” This shows kids that self-control isn’t about being perfect it’s about choosing wisely.

5. Encourage Problem-Solving Self-control strengthens when kids feel capable. If they’re upset, ask guiding questions instead of solving it for them.

• “What happened?”
• “What were you wishing for?”
• “What’s one thing you can do next?”

This helps kids learn to manage their emotions and make thoughtful choices.

6. Celebrate the Small Wins 
Point out moments when your child shows self-control:

• “I noticed you took a breath before you answered. That was very responsible.”
• “You waited your turn even though you were excited. Great job!” Recognition builds confidence and encourages repetition.

Self-control isn’t something kids master overnight and that’s okay. At NHA, we practice it in our classrooms all month long, and we know every small step counts. December gives us plenty of opportunities to help our kids grow into thoughtful, calm, and resilient young people.

Together, let’s make this month one where our children discover their own strength the strength to pause, choose, and do what’s right.

If you’d like more ideas for building character at home, check out the Moral Focus™ resources on our website.